27 March 2007


While I thought I had gone through the vast majority of changes in my life, I'm still changing.

I'm more tolerant of things I was not formerly tolerant of and less tolerant of things I was previously tolerant of (go figure).
I seem to be more sympathetic.
I'm far more willing to show and share my emotions.
I'm still standoffish if I don't know you, but I warm up a bit quicker than I used to.
I'm more trusting.
I am softer (so sayeth a few friends).

I have looked, delved, and explored; trying to find the answer as to why. From what I can see, I place the blame for all the above on the shoulders of one person. I want to be a better person. Not a different person. I'm still me, just a better me.

That really is so not like me. I've always been fine with who I am. I've never felt the need to have someone in my life. If there was a special someone, great. If there wasn't a special someone, that was fine too. My company has always been sufficient. I enjoy me, my likes, dislikes and quirks.

He's the most gentle person I've ever known. He's very passionate about the things he loves, and would not hesitate to shoot someone breaking into his home, but the side I get to see, the one he hides from most others, is the most amazing person. Not that he is perfect, far from it. He can be a supreme ass, no doubt about that. He has a temper for sure. It may take a lot to light that fuse, but once lit, it's time to run for cover - where then I can giggle(to myself only and only if I'm not the one that just lit that fuse) at just how red his face is and look for the smoke that is soon to be pouring from his ears a la Saturday morning cartoons. But I've only lit that fuse twice thank goodness and both of those times were misunderstandings. He figured out I am not a mind reader though and misunderstandings won't be a problem any longer. I owe him more than I can ever repay.

Now back to changes. With the changes I have gone through, I've grown in a different direction than I ever anticipated. I hate to say it because it sounds so snobby, but, I've evolved. That is the best way to describe it. Evolving however means there are certain things (or people) that need to be reevaluated. That's the hard part. I am a much different person today than I was 5 years ago, hell, even 2 years ago. That is going to require a lot of thought.

Here it is Spring and I'm looking at a different kind of Spring cleaning.


Dixie said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've changed drastically in the ten years I've been with B. Happier and more well adjusted. Just more content with life. And I like myself better as well.

Irie said...

I was thinking about this today. I've grown and changed into someone that I really like since I met my husband. Your sexybeast sounds like a sweet guy.

Twango said...

Dix, Irie, never thought I'd say it and truly mean it, but, ain't love grand.